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Female Fantasy is Power

Written by Tanya Griffin, Sexpert and oOYes Founder

Female fantasy is Power. Power over our sexuality, power to instigate oOrgasms and the power to pursue pleasure without shame. 


The female orgasm is mental. Women are wildly creative and imaginative. Let’s own this. While female fantasies are often submissive they are not misogynist. We all want to be wanted. 


Ultimately, we control our orgasms, we invite fantasy in to entertain and amuse ourselves. It is fantasy that helps us own our sexuality and free us from cultural shame and stigma hell bent on keeping us down. 


As women, it is our responsibility to open communication, take control and normalize what female sexuality and fantasy means. 


Five decades ago, 1973, was a pivotal year for American women. In January, Roe v. Wade became the law of the land, women gained control of their reproductive rights and began talking about and shaping the narrative around their own sexuality. This same year, Nancy Friday’s book, The Secret Garden, reminded women, and informed men, that women are sexual beings capable of and happy to indulge in fantasy. 


Cover of the book, "My Secret Garden: Women's Sexual Fantasies" by Nancy Friday.
Nancy Friday - My Secret Garden

Timing is everything. Friday’s earlier novel including a salacious female fantasy was rejected by her male publisher. Women do not fantasize? As the tides changed and women began to talk openly about their sexuality, Friday would seize the opportunity. Advertising in newspapers and magazines, she collected letters, tape recordings and interviews of fantasies shared by other women happy to help normalize the experience. Previously unable to comprehend the force of female sexuality, by 1973, her publisher would have no choice but to let the women speak. 


Female sexuality, imagination, must have been terrifying to men who had wielded power and control over our sexuality for so long. By 1960 “The Pill” would make its way to married women, by ‘73 the slippery slope to legal abortions would give women the power and voice to shape our own sexually.

What would be next… President?


The female sexual appetite is enormous. We are multi-orgasmic. We need fantasy to satisfy such an appetite. Shame can subdue this in some but it will not hold.  


Women are only now learning about ourselves and each other. Until recently, our bodies, due to unpredictable hormones, pregnancy and menopause were not considered worthy subjects of study.  By the time we found our clitoris we were shamed into thinking that masturbation was wrong.


Sex is complicated for heterosexual women. Shame and the fear of pregnancy can be the antithesis of fantasy and imagination.


Collectively men, using instruments like religion, have historically squashed and feared female sexuality.  Men are not the enemy of women. They just need help understanding us. 


Women, at peace with their sexuality and prowess, released from the restraints of pregnancy and shame, are a powerful group. 


Watch out my friends, the numbers are shifting, women are aging, we are increasingly more difficult to control and subdue. We are multi-orgasmic, we fantasize, and will take control of our erotic selves.


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