oO It’s good to be a woman! We are wired for multi-orgasmic pleasure.
Cuming is all about timing. Timing with a partner that finishes too fast; timing with taking care of others first; timing around changing hormones, around experience and the ability to communicate your needs; and timing in a relationship that enables you to show up and stay present for Sex.
Relative to our male partners, studies show that on average female orgasms take twice as long to achieve, and last twice as long. Women are multi-orgasmic. Once we get started with a partner that can go the distance we can keep cuming and cuming.
While it is time to close orgasm gap we should consider leaning into our strengths as opposed to relying on other’s weaknesses.
The clitoris is absolutely magical and comes with as many as 10,000 sensory signals, nerve endings that lead to sexual arousal and pleasure. The poor penis pales in comparison, exposed to the elements, it has around 4,000 nerve endings. Both are full of blood vessels and enlarge with arousal; both require an open mind to the sensory overload that comes with intense, orgasmic pleasure.
Studies show that with adequate sleep, women think 5x’s faster than men which, no doubt, can get in the way of pleasure, especially if there is trauma or the dance between mind and body is not connected.
Tanya’s Tips: As promised, Tips for Going Down - Cunnilingus
Ways to Dial in Orgasmic Pleasure:
Feel No Shame
Practice and Prioritize Pleasure
Listen and Communicate
Fantasize
Show Up and Stay Present
Dial in the Mood
Tanya’s Tips: Psychoactive substances like cannabis can help free your mind and dial in the mood. Check out @YestoSex: What Happens When You Orgasm on Cannabis.
While these “ways” may be easier said than done, orgasmic pleasure is within reach. For some it may take a team to get you there. It is worth the effort.
For those having trouble reaching orgasm:
Explore any health and medication issues with a doctor that listens and understands how to treat Female Orgasm Disorders (FOD)
Practice self pleasure and partner play to, eventually, reach orgasm without props and toys.
Get out of your own way; an orgasm starts in the brain
Use psychoactive substances to help you drop in, show up and stay present
Tanya’s Tips: Women are multi-orgasmic. Once you are able to dial in that first orgasm you are capable of many more. Practice orgasmic pleasure, you will always have something better to do.
The NYTimes got it right in a recent article reminding us Why GEN X Women Are Having the Best Sex. I am happy to attest it is true! We have the role models to prove it. Demi Moore, Nicole Kidman, Cher, et al each blasted into our world's aging with grace and beauty, confident, and full of sexual prowess, often with a young man on her side along for the ride and eager to please.
It’s Time to Close the oOrgasm Gap
So it may just be “time” that finally closes the orgasm gap. Time to come into ourselves, time to experience life, time to know our bodies and time to take advantage of the incredible path to pleasure that is within our reach.
Time just may also shift the cultural zeitgeist enabling women to own and indulge in their sexual power.
This is our time. Let's spend it practicing pleasure.
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Follow @YestoSex for a deep dive into science, shame and culture.
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