If I could bring only one thing to sexplay it would be pure silicone lube. Here’s why…
No matter what your age, gender or sexual orientation nothing beats it. Silicone lube reduces friction and simply makes sex better.
In my endless pursuit to help fellow horny humans enjoy more and better sex, using the right lube, applied liberally, is at the top of my list.
If you are having sex chances are good you have tried it with lube. It’s a $1.46B industry that has certainly evolved from the good ‘ole days of baby oil, vaseline and oils from the pantry.
The best lube is the one that works for you. The challenge is we don’t often talk about it which leaves options and choice dependent on hearsay or who's selling you.
To add to the confusion, the sexual wellness industry deliberately uses misleading language to market and label products. If using the word “lubricant” it must be FDA-Cleared, otherwise products are referred to as intimate moisturizers, personal serums and so on. This is done to circumvent FDA 510K Certification and to appear more palpable to some consumers.
To keep it simple, a lube reduces friction and can be silicone, oil, or water based.
You have lots of choices. Water based lubes come in a plethora of formulations. They often use natural, organic ingredients yet have high osmolality, which means they leach instead of adding moisture to tissue. Most importantly, they are sticky and do not stay slippery.
Hybrid lubes try to solve for moisture and friction by adding glycerin, aloe or other thickeners to silicone; this can mislead consumers into thinking it is more healthy or solving issues of dryness.
If the intent is to moisturize, over-the-counter products containing hyaluronic acid vs. polycarbophil have been shown to equally increase vaginal moisture when used regularly.
If vaginal dryness and painful penetration is a persistent problem, lubes alone may not do the trick. If you have access to healthcare, talk to your doctor. Poor health, medications, menstrual cycles, and peri/menopause can all disrupt balancing hormones and affect pleasure and lubrication.
If, like me, your ovaries are shutting down production of estrogen, ask your doctor about prescribing transdermal “topical” estradiol cream and even combining it with systemic hormone therapy. Estrogen is your friend. Applied topically it helps keep vulva tissue plump and wet, maintains a healthy microbiome and PH balance, protects the urethra, and applied to the face, it can even help with wrinkles.
Oils such as coconut and MCT are natural, edible and can be fun especially with added flavors but they are not long lasting or recommended with condoms.
Infused with cannabis, oils or serums provide another option. Edible sexplay infused with THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol), applied to mucus membranes, can get you high for pleasure, while infusing topicals with terpenes and minor cannabinoids such as CBD and CBG may increase blood flow, reduce inflammation, and help you show up and stay present.
This leads me back to silicone lube. Its sole job is to reduce friction and make sex more pleasurable. While safe with condoms, silicone does not play nice with silicone so mind those toys. It repels water and can help tame frizzy hair, yet when used liberally it may require some clean up.
Silicone lubes are considered expensive, a point I always found mute when considering its excellent performance.
Coming in with no taste, no smell and a long lasting, slippity slip that is never sticky, silicone is my absolute favorite for daily use. It can also be safely shared with partners as it is FDA-Cleared, PH neutral, and hypoallergenic with no additives.
Tips for using lube:
Get it Ready, remove safety seals and test before use
Keep it Handy, use liberally during sexplay
Don’t Wait, start with foreplay and lube up before penetration
Make it Fun, perfect for foreplay, it’s safe to eat with no taste or smell
Practice and Communicate, get good at lubing up together
Use Liberally and Don’t Run Out
Show Up Lubed Up, option to fill your hole before you go
Worried about penetration? This can make sexplay very challenging. The fear of pain can get in your head and disrupt pleasure.
Remember, especially for women, orgasms are mental. If you are worried about pain it is hard to free your mind for pleasure. Using lube can help you feel at ease while reducing friction, fear, and pain.
If lubing up during foreplay is not your thing, if time is not on your side, or if you want to show up prepared, you can apply lube liberally in advance or prep with a lube shooter. A lube shooter is a small plunger which draws in the lube allowing you to insert and fill your hole of choice. This may give you peace of mind as you head into the big event.
If traveling or heading out for a hookup always come prepared. Make sure you bring travel-sized lube along for the ride, you will be very happy you did.
Getting wetter and having more pleasurable sex can be improved with lubes, elixirs and medications while arousal and practicing orgasmic pleasure can certainly contribute to more pleasurable, penetrative sex.
If lube is not yet for you, keep in mind, lubrication starts in your brain and there is nothing like arousal, balanced hormones, and practicing penetrative, orgasmic pleasure to get and keep you wet.
So there you have it. As you head into the new year I encourage you to lock in a willing partner, find the lube that works for you and get all lubed up for the ride ahead.
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